i just had a sudden realisation. all this time ive been searching for happiness, and im finally finding it in the places i least expected to. and now ive got it im looking to the future, trying to work out how to achieve happiness when im older..and ive finally figured out that happiness isnt a destination, its a journey..happiness will come and go throughout my life, and the best thing i can do is well..just follow where life takes me, and for once, trust myself. so its taken me a long time to work it out, and ive spent the entire first half of the school year working that out; but ive decided, from now on im doing what makes me happy now. and all i can do is hope that thats enough to keep me happy. (:

you make me feel out of my element, like i'm walkin' on broken glass, like my worlds spinnin' in slow motion, and you're movin' too fast, were you right, was i wrong, were you weak, was i strong, yeah
both of us broken, caught in the momentm we lived and we loved, and we hurt and we joked, but the planets all aligned, when you looked into my eyes, and just like that, the chemicals react. You make me feel out of my element, like im drifting out to the sea, like the tides pulling me in deeper, making it harder to breathe, we cannot deny how we feel inside, we cannot deny...were you right was i wrong, were you weak was i strong? yeah both of us broken, caught in the movement. we lived and we loved, we hurt and we joked yeah, but the planets all aligned, when you looked into my eyes, and just like that, the chemicals react...the chemicals react. kaleidoscope of colors, turning hopes on fire, sun is burning, shining down on both of us, dont let us lose it...were you right, was i wrong, were you weak, was i strong, yeah, both of us broken, caught in the moment, we lived and we loved, and we hurt and we joked, yeah,we lived, we loved, we hurt, we joked, we're right, we're wrong, we're weak, we're strong, we lived to love,but the planets all aligned, when you looked into my eyes, and just like that, watch the chemicals react, and just like that, the chemicals react
(L)

its been a while since i used this blog, i seem to favour my other one much more now.
and because its been a while it feels like i should probably catch up with everything. blogging has always been a kind of thing where i dont start out with a thought for a topic. i write, and i write what comes into my head at that particular time; i guess thats why my posts never have order, or make any sense, but thats a bit like me; a bit unorganised, hard to figure out, and entirely unpredictable. im still not sure whether thats a good thing or not, but hey, i guess i have the next few years to figure that out. one things for sure, this summer was really amazing. as was the past year.
leaving fort pitt did impact me more than i thought it would. it showed me what its like to be happy again. im not saying i wasnt happy at fort pitt, i totally was a lot of the time! but i think in a way i grew out of it. it suited me when i went there, but by the time i hit year ten i was just, not right for it anymore.infact, between year ten and about half way through year eleven i dont think i was really suited to anywhere. i was not really a very together person. i was confused still; trying to find my feet, trying to find myself. i didnt know how to be that. just myself. but now i am that much older i think i can say ive finally found myself. i know what makes me happy now, and who. although i think the people who matter dont always make you happy. you have to care about them to hurt. and thats why when people fall out with people and get upset over stuff and say they dont care, i really dont get it. because well, if you dont care about the person, truly, then you arent effected by what they say or think. and i guess thats what made me realise who actually matters to me. following on from that; ive had ups and downs at cgsb already, but thats proven to me who i should and can trust, who i shouldnt but do, and who i did but now dont. its taught me a lot. its taught me how to live like a guy, and i gotta say its a hell of a lot easier. accepting that people have bad days and will snap at you but it doesnt mean they hate you and it doesnt mean the worlds gonna end. i think coming from an all girls school it was very easy to be swept up with that misconception; along with many others.
another thing ive noticed being at an all boys school; everything people says about just wanting to find a guy who's a gentleman...i dont think ive had to open a door for myself once since i started this school. the guys are so respectful. yeah, you get the odd bugger who whistles as you walk down the corridor, but on the whole they are ridiculously helpful, and everyone smiles at each other here, instead of the little glares you get. there have already been a few bitch fights between some of the girls, and its funny how quickly they just get shouted down; i dont think theyve realised quite yet that there comes a time when all of their bitchyness just isnt tolerable anymore. and that its aroundddd about now.
this summer made me realise how lucky i am. my holiday was amazingg. i know not many people get to go away a lot, and i honestly had like, the best time EVER. i made such amazing friends and even though i am well aware that its hard to meet up with people after holidays im so going to make the effort to arrange something with this lot. being all inclusive allowed me to be much more independent and the lack of a curfew, and stealing of an adults wrist band so i could get served added to the amazingness of it all. the location was ideal. and the fascilities were stunning. who knew falling off a roof could be so fun xD.
i guess everything this year has made me grow up. im finally feeling comfortable with myself and my style. i know what i like and what i dont. ive got more independence too. and hopefully soon ill have more money; what with applying for jobs. though secretly, im scared about getting one. i mean, if i do, that means i have to be grown up, i literally just turned sixteen and im not sure i feel old enough to have a job, ohwell if i want to go to all these gigs i guess i need some fundingg!. anyways, ive ranted on forever now about literally NOTHING. so yknow.tchusss.(:x

"sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me."
i want to break a bone. i want to know the pain of breaking a bone. and then i want to go and throttle the person who came up with that saying. because its utter bullshit. broken bones heal.

Sunday morning rain is falling, steal some covers share some skin, clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable, you twist to fit the mold that i am in. but things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do, and i would gladly hit the road, get up and go if i knew that someday it would lead me back to you, that may be all i need, in darkness he is all i see, come and rest your bones with me, driving slow on sunday morning, and i never want to leave. fingers trace your every outline, paint a picture with my hands, back and forth we sway like branches in a storm, change the weather, still together when it ends, that may be all i need, in darkness he is all i see, come and rest your bones with me, driving slow on sunday morning and i never wanna leave. but things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do, sunday morning rain is falling and im calling out to you, singing someday it'll bring me back to you, find a way to bring myself back home to you. and you may not know, that may be all i need, in darkness she is all i see, come and rest your bones with me, driving slow on sunday morning, and i never wanna leave. and i never want to, leave. < 3

And for all the times we stayed up until 4am talking about everything and nothing, i love you. and for all the times you held me tight, and told me everything would be okay, i love you.
for all the times you kissed my forehead, and told me you loved me, i love you back, a thousand times over.
for all the times we kissed, and that smile spread across my face, i love you.
for all the times you tickled me and pulled me into your arms, i love you.
for all the times we laughed and joked about our own stupidity, i love you.
for all the times we spoke about the future, i love you.
for all the times we lay, completely still, in silence, completely happy, i love you.
for all the times you just knew, i love you.
for all the times you made everything bad go away, i love you.
for all the times you spoke to me, when i was completely alone, in the middle of nowhere, i love you.
for all the times you trusted me, i love you.
for all the times you made me cry, i love you.
for all the lies you told me, i love you.
for all the times we argued, i love you.
for all the times we tried so hard to be angry at each other, i love you.
for all the times we made up, i love you.
for all the pain you made me feel, i love you.
i love you.

Daughtry, you make my life. :')

All that im after is a life full of laughter, as long as im laughing with you, im thinking that all that still matters is love ever after, after the life weve been through, cos' i know theres no life after you.


oh why did i ever doubt you, you know that i'd die here without you. <3

you never said you never said you never said that it'd be this hard. love is meant to be forever, now or never seems to discard.

now the oak trees a swaying in the early autumn breeze, the golden sun is shining on my face, tangled thoughts i hear the mocking bird sing, this old world really aint that bad a place, oh, theres no comprehending, and who am i to try judge or explain, but i do have one burning question. who told you life wasn't worth the fight? they were wrong, they lied, now you're gone and we cry, its not like you walk away in the middle of a song, your song, your beautiful song.

Shouldve been much further than this by now little bit more gone a little less twisted around shouldve been much better youd think but im not im still stuck im still here in this rut looking back on everything that we had holding on to words that we cant take back what am I to do with the past when its all that I have and I cant get you back now I wait by the phone in the dark drunk on hope im so lost im so low I just want you to know everywhere that I go im reminded of us where weve been all weve done all the love that we shared once oh once I remember you saying I was the one and nothing could change that but you were wrong its funny how life turns on a dime now we don’t even talk I just stare at these walls and now I wait by the phone in the dark drunk on hope im so lost im so low and I just want you to know everywhere that I go im reminded of us where weve been all weve done all the love that we shared once once you made the world feel so right once you were my morning noon and night whyd we slip away why did it all change now will I ever be the same now I wait by the phone in the dark drunk on hope im so lost im so low and I just want you to know everywhere all weve done oh by the phone baby ive been so lost I just want you to know yeah where weve been shoulve been much further than this by now little bit more gone a little less twisted around.

Wow, i cannot believe how fast ime has flown by, seems like just yesterday we were all meeting.
i couldnt thank the girls i've got to grow up with enough, i've made so many amazing memories these past five years, ones i'll be keeping for the rest of my life; and likewise with friends. The bonds that have been made, im sure, will stay in tact, cos' it seems to be the kinda girls we all are, no one seems to want to let go.
So we're all going on to bigger, better things, some people staying at fort pitt (good luck with that one;) ) some going off into new schools, i will actually miss everyone SO much. saying goodbye was ridiculously hard, its kinda weird, it didn't even hit me that it was almost over till about two weeks ago, i didn't get to properly appreciate it all.
i would gladly reverse to year seven and do it all again, knowing what i know now, unfortunately, i cant, but the memories will be there forever.
I'm so excited for next year, but so sad to no longer be able to say that ima fort pitt girl.
well, good luck everyone, first L2's, original ZR's, first in the houses...We made fort pitt pretty awesome, without everyone, it shall almost definately be fort shit ;).
<3

We still miss you.

Still a little bit too much.

Every time you come into conversation, that smiles still there on nans face, on my parents, and on mine. i was lucky to have such an amazing grandad. thirteen years on, the first thing i can remember is still you carrying me up the big old oak staircase. rip. <3

i haven't blogged in foreverererer.
the holidays so far are amazingggggggg.<3.
enter shikari was so awesome:').
this week has been so fun so far, the girls make me laugh so much. our sleepovers were amazing. and 5am definately is a good time for a little stroll looking at the stars in pj's. :D.
i miss himm<.3.
i am tempted to run to italy and drag him home, though he says he wants to come home anywayy.bleugh. :/. i need him.
i miss other people too. its been ages since i went to Rochester with everyonee. like, wayyyy too long.
and i need to go shopping for a new hoody. >.<.
unit was surprisingly good this week. didnt think it would be considering how tired i was, but nick and joe made it a good laughhh(:
im actually gutted that im missing madina lake cos' i have to go to france. i know i'll have an amazing time, but it would've been pretty amazee.
fingers crossed for alesana stillll (yn)
i realised today. this years going real quick, and i hardly have any time left at fort pitt at all. looking through my old phone i found recordings from last years house arts. im actually gonna miss some of the stuff that goes on at fort pitt.

oh. and i love the seaside. even though its cold. 8 mile walk on the beach yesterday:')<3.
x

On my knees, Screaming at the clouds, Tears falling from the sky. Hate is a four letter word, and love is a four letter lie.<3