its been a while since i used this blog, i seem to favour my other one much more now.
and because its been a while it feels like i should probably catch up with everything. blogging has always been a kind of thing where i dont start out with a thought for a topic. i write, and i write what comes into my head at that particular time; i guess thats why my posts never have order, or make any sense, but thats a bit like me; a bit unorganised, hard to figure out, and entirely unpredictable. im still not sure whether thats a good thing or not, but hey, i guess i have the next few years to figure that out. one things for sure, this summer was really amazing. as was the past year.
leaving fort pitt did impact me more than i thought it would. it showed me what its like to be happy again. im not saying i wasnt happy at fort pitt, i totally was a lot of the time! but i think in a way i grew out of it. it suited me when i went there, but by the time i hit year ten i was just, not right for it anymore.infact, between year ten and about half way through year eleven i dont think i was really suited to anywhere. i was not really a very together person. i was confused still; trying to find my feet, trying to find myself. i didnt know how to be that. just myself. but now i am that much older i think i can say ive finally found myself. i know what makes me happy now, and who. although i think the people who matter dont always make you happy. you have to care about them to hurt. and thats why when people fall out with people and get upset over stuff and say they dont care, i really dont get it. because well, if you dont care about the person, truly, then you arent effected by what they say or think. and i guess thats what made me realise who actually matters to me. following on from that; ive had ups and downs at cgsb already, but thats proven to me who i should and can trust, who i shouldnt but do, and who i did but now dont. its taught me a lot. its taught me how to live like a guy, and i gotta say its a hell of a lot easier. accepting that people have bad days and will snap at you but it doesnt mean they hate you and it doesnt mean the worlds gonna end. i think coming from an all girls school it was very easy to be swept up with that misconception; along with many others.
another thing ive noticed being at an all boys school; everything people says about just wanting to find a guy who's a gentleman...i dont think ive had to open a door for myself once since i started this school. the guys are so respectful. yeah, you get the odd bugger who whistles as you walk down the corridor, but on the whole they are ridiculously helpful, and everyone smiles at each other here, instead of the little glares you get. there have already been a few bitch fights between some of the girls, and its funny how quickly they just get shouted down; i dont think theyve realised quite yet that there comes a time when all of their bitchyness just isnt tolerable anymore. and that its aroundddd about now.
this summer made me realise how lucky i am. my holiday was amazingg. i know not many people get to go away a lot, and i honestly had like, the best time EVER. i made such amazing friends and even though i am well aware that its hard to meet up with people after holidays im so going to make the effort to arrange something with this lot. being all inclusive allowed me to be much more independent and the lack of a curfew, and stealing of an adults wrist band so i could get served added to the amazingness of it all. the location was ideal. and the fascilities were stunning. who knew falling off a roof could be so fun xD.
i guess everything this year has made me grow up. im finally feeling comfortable with myself and my style. i know what i like and what i dont. ive got more independence too. and hopefully soon ill have more money; what with applying for jobs. though secretly, im scared about getting one. i mean, if i do, that means i have to be grown up, i literally just turned sixteen and im not sure i feel old enough to have a job, ohwell if i want to go to all these gigs i guess i need some fundingg!. anyways, ive ranted on forever now about literally NOTHING. so yknow.tchusss.(:x