i am so scared about how quickly uni is coming round. i dont feel old enough for it. i dont feel ready for it. im not even sure if i want to go now; i want to see the world but i cant take a gap year cos' im pretty lazy and once id left education i wouldnt want to go back to it. argh, i dont want to grow up!

i am a lucky lucky girl. i honestly have such an amazing boyfriend, and i guess the rest of my life isnt too bad either. sure; theres things i would change; but isnt that the case for everyone? for once; its nothing big. id like to have more time to lay in bed till ten with billy. id like to have less homework, no aching muscles from training, find the harder moves easier at gym, and be better in class; nothing unusual coming from a teenage gymnast right there. the hard stuffs not until after january. sure i have work to do. a lot of it; but for once i feel (kind of) sorted. though saying that; i have work due in first period tomorrow, and more due in 3&4, and two big exams in january..and here i am putting it off. guess im a bit of a teenager still. but anyway; not long till shikari! parents just booked me a lovely weekend in bath with billy for working so hard and im really excited cos' time with hims always lovely; im sure it'll be even better in a nice spa hotel >< and we're off to St Martin this summer(or somewhere similar) :D yayayay. uni's coming up too fast and that scares me but i am so so relieved that whatever happens i'll have my best friend(and boyfriend) stuck firmly by my side. lucky lucky lucky:3

im so in love with you.

first day back at school. and surprisingly, it feels amazing to be back. this year im determined to do so much better in my exams, i guess i was kinda incredibly disappointed with myself for doing so poorly in a few of my results. i under achieved and definitly could have done better, but for the main part im just incredibly grateful for the fact the accelerated curriculum has, for the first time ever actually proven to be useful, its giving me the chance to up my grades. though im not gonner lie, im pretty chuffed with media, my teachers dancing to me, and being top in the year feels pretty good. so today everyone else seemed mega stressed out, but for once i was completely chilled, i feel a lot more grown up, nothing phases me quite as much anymore, this year my biggest task is, as pathetic as it sounds, to get used to doing the tannoy in the mornings, because it terrifies me! i have an amazing year ahead of me, and im devastated that its going to be coming to an end quite so soon. ive made some of the best friends ever at this school. but i know this year will speed on by, as the last seven have so much. it feels like yesterday i was new at the school, god it feels like yesterday i started fort pitt, but now i havent set foot there for more than a year, and i've been head girl at cgsb for about 5 months already, time seems to be speeding up as i get older. dad reckons its because each year you live, a year becomes a lower percentage of your life, i guess he's right really. anyway, today has ended up well, for once im going to stay on top of my homework, i've done a piece after swimming and am gonner catch an early night cos' i for one am SHATTERED. night xox

so the end of summer has kinda come, and boy what a summer its been. pretty busy, but at the same time completely laid back. for once its kinda just floated by, not much going out or doing stuff as a group if im entirely honest. two great weeks with the family in florida, followed by three lovely weeks with my lovely boyfriend. i've not seen the girls nearly enough and its been majorly lacking gymnastics. its been filled with meals out with the boyfriend, trips to the theatre, the globe, and the cinema; inbetweeners made remarkably better by the fact i had a seventy year old couple holding hands and giggling infront of me the whole way through( i hope thats me one day). i spent literally a whole week convincing my mum it'd be better to go to the cinema with her friends to see that bloomin' film because honestly as old as you get its still better to not endure the embarrassment caused by 'adult' humour shared with parents, specifically my parents, considering my mum laughs at any joke with the word "boobies" in it. she really is an eleven year old boy at heart bless her. but in less boring news my baby cousin harry was born and im already completely smitten- he is absolutely perfect and a day spent cuddling him has led to mum lusting after grandchildren and me asking several people to steal me a child, i really would like one. And i have a new bedroom! well, i redid mine, i love it. i have cream carpet- considering i have a cat, a dog, and a 17 year old boyfriend, this is probably a reallyyy bad idea but it looks oh so pretty. and he wont be 17 for long, maybe he'll be tidier as an 18 year old. the thought of having an 18 year old boyfriend makes me feel really old and grown up. i like it. even though i am ridiculously childish :') my room kinda no longer reflects how i have been for the last 17 years..and for some strangee reason i like the fact that it really doesnt look like my room. so my parents were a little reluctant to hand over the reins to me but ultimately it looks how i wanted it to (mind you, a little less black than i wanted and a little more blue, but hey, it looks good and they payed). other than my days playing at the park, my multiple dog walks, running through fields in the rain in high halstow with a boyfriend in tow, who seems to be tolerating my inability to sit still ridiculously well despite his constant wish to be attached to his ps3, shopping (oh my gosh i've found a boyfriend who if bribed with food happily lets me shop all day!!!) and running around florida...my summers been uneventful. which actually, is just how i like it. life seems to be running pretty smooth atm and its just perfect. i like it. i have great friends, great family. and its back to school on monday! i really should be dreading it due to the fact i have done none of my holiday work, and ultimately, blogging is merely a way to get out of doing my work- but'chu know, i neglect my blog these days so hey ho- but i'm not dreading it D: anyways. work time. i actually need to pass this year or i wont go to uni:')

so, the weathers finally decided to heat up, lifes getting good. enjoying school; seemingly doing well in school...i swear leaving fort pitt has changed me so much, for the better. im so much more confident now, so much happier, and healthier. exams are looming, and this year, i actually care about how well i do; i can see the results impacting how my life will be in the future, i see a future that never used to be there. i cant wait for this summer; im starting to appreciate everything so much more, so it should be amazing. lots of time for the beach, bbqs, picnics and the park!
unfortunately im already tanned. i miss everyone from fort pitt- its odd not having as many friends who are girls anymore and i miss the girly sleepovers and that, but acting like a guy has always suited me so much better!:') tchussss. x

Say what is love, to live in vain,
To live and die, and live again?
Say what is love, is it to be
In prison still, and still be free--
Or seem as free, alone and prove
The hopeless hopes or real love?
Does real love on Earth exist?
Tis like a sun beam on the mist,
That fades, and no where will remain,
And nowhere is o'ertook again.
Say what is love? A blooming name,
A rose leaf on the page of fame,
That blooms, That fades, To cheat no more,
And is what nothing was before?
Say what is love, Whatever it may be